XES 19 April 07

TR drank: Jim Beam Manhattans, on the Rocks.
SF drank: Slivkens.

Its been two days since TR and SF made the inaugural Pirate Project excursion. A few things have already become clear.

Firstly, it's going to be damned hard to remember everything that happens to us, if we don't blog it immediately. SF has been e-mailing his rough drafts of things he (barely) remembers for about two days. Fortunately, SF made certain to take notes, which he scrawled on the back of cards throughout the evening. To most patrons of the bar, we're sure it looked like SF was trying to give himself his own phone number, which isn't a bad idea, because when he turns into a Pirate, he often forgets his phone number.

XES receives the honor of being the first bar of the Pirate Project. SF, who makes it a point to know exactly who it is whos pouring his booze, knows (and appreciates) that Frank was voted the Best Bartender on City Search last year. And he truly deserves it, says SF. But he wasn't there. Instead Paul and Gary were there. They did a great job, considering the bar was busy as all hell. And full of lesbians. Where did they all come from? Shouldn't they be in Brooklyn at Cattyshack? Anyway, the point is that the bar was crowded and everyone was working hard (including the patrons, if you know where we're going with this).

Drinking elbow-to-elbow with lesbians doesn't make for very good blogging, so we decided to talk to people. SF's note cards came out. SF went to see a man about a horse, and a completely wasted Brit (at least he said he was from London), named Kevin (at least that's what it sounded like to us) slowly and awkwardly slid onto SF's bar stool.

While there, shit-faced Kevin seemed unable to say anything other than the word "whatever." He also was out of booze.

SF says: Although Kevin was completely shit faced, TR thought it would be fun to see what would happen if he had another.

TR says: Um, no. You may recall that he unceremoniously reached for my bourbon and had half of it down his throat before I could object. And then he drank part of your Slivken.. And then he started molesting that poor guy, Ryan, who was sitting on the other side of him. So, considering he kept drinking our drinks, we thought he really should have one of his own.

After he drank everything within reach, Kevin started tottering around the bar and spitting on the floor. Yes, spitting. Long drooling globs of spittle. From his mouth. Onto the floor. Thankfully, he didn't hit TR's leg. After a few minutes he got up and starting falling into people.

XES has a big mirror opposite the bar. To steel himself, Kevin began to stare into it. SF heard from a trick once that the only animal that recognizes its own reflection, other than a human, is an elephant. We don't know whether it's true, but the trick who told SF that also said that SF was good in bed, so SF is inclined to believe everything that came out of his mouth. Kevin did not appear to recognize himself (he probably saw four of five of them, we think), so he's clearly not human or elephant.

We began to worry about him, and since he wasn't really conversing, we decided to meet Mike, an architect, who told us it would be best if we let the bar staff handle him. Architect Mike is smart. Smarter than we are, obviously.

The bar staff did, eventually assist shit-faced Kevin out of the bar. Which was good. Mike asked if we were part of Joe's group at the bar. Joe who? We didn't know. Turns out that Joe (also an architect or maybe a designer, we're not sure because it was loud), organizes a large gaggle of homosexuals who go out for drinks from time to time. Organized drinking! What a grand idea! Clearly, we need to plan more Pirate Project excursions on Joe's social drinking nights.

We also met John who said he was from New York, but also told he was from the Phillipines, but that he didn't want to confuse us. Like we care about being confused. Also, there was Felix from Pennsylvania and too many other wonderful people to mention. (Meaning that TR left to go home and SF stayed long enough to become a pirate

XES is a fun bar and happy hour is fun time there. Our review: BOTTOMS UP!

XES
157 W 24th St
New York, NY 10011
212.604.0212